For almost three years, I have been serving as the Relief Society President in my ward. Before that I was a counselor for almost two years. As many of you know, that made life a bit crazy. This week I was released. I have been knowing this was coming for months, and had really started to get trunky and a bit lazy about my duties. I was ready to be done. I was tired. I was no longer excited about things. I was looking forward to my release.....or so I thought.
It seemed like the minute the bishop released me and called the new Presidency, I couldn't stop crying. People hugged me in the hall and I cried. I bore my testimony and I blubbered. The Bishop and his sweet wife brought me flowers and the minute I opened the door, I burst into tears. I thought to myself, "Why? Why am I so sad to have my time back again? Why am I so upset that I don't have to worry about 100 different sisters and their struggles?"
There are probably a lot of answers to those questions. I think it is because I have loved, served, and grown so much over the past three years. My testimony has been strengthened. Maybe this is what a mission feels like; happy to take that name tag off (or pass that binder to the next person), but so very sad that those experiences are over.
I was busy. So busy. But, I was busy doing
good things. Sometimes I was literally feeding the hungry, or mourning with those that mourn. Apart from my family, there was no better way to spend my time. I knew that. At the end of the day, even though my house was dirty and my kids had eaten fast food for the third time in a week, I knew I was doing what Heavenly Father needed me to do.
And that made me happy.
I thought I would take a minute (or 10) and write down some of the things I learned while serving as Relief Society President. Years from now, this is what I hope I remember.
1. I can do hard things.
This calling was hard. Let me say that again. This calling was HARD. It was beyond my comfort zone. I was asked to do things that were scary or uncomfortable. I was required to spend countless hours away from my busy schedule. I was assigned to help people I'd never met. I got phone calls from sisters contemplating divorce. I was asked to go through cupboards and asses the needs of families asking for help. I was expected to have answers and give advice. I dealt with spousal abuse, poverty, hoarding, postpartum depression. I needed to fix problems and prevent future issues. Some of it was really really hard. Sometimes, the burden felt like a physical weight on my shoulders. What did I do? I learned to pray for help. As time went on, I could tell Heavenly Father was with me. He helped me feel brave. He helped me be bold when I needed to be bold. He helped me testify when I needed to testify. He blessed my family to survive the crazy nights when I would get an urgent phone call and needed to spend hours away. Heavenly Father blessed my family with patience to support me and deal with my emotions. He helped me not go crazy. He sent angels in the form of great counselors and wonderful friends to help.
Heavenly Father blessed me to be able to do hard things. He increased my capacity to work and love more than I could on my own. How great is that? He made me more than I was. He helped me do hard hard things. Because of this I know that, in the future, He can help me do more hard things. Doing hard things with His help, makes me better.
2. I can do so much more.
When I was called as President, Taylor was one. Aiden was three. I had four children who were still very needy. I was so worried about how I was going to juggle all these balls. Somehow, I fit it all in. I learned to eliminate the good and the better for the very best (my family and calling). I miraculously found time. I was so surprised to see how much I was able to serve when I made it a priority. Wow! What if I had learned that lesson years ago? I could have done so much good. Instead, I thought I was
too busy. I thought I had
too much on my own plate to spend a lot of time worrying about and helping others. But, I could have done so much more. I CAN do so much more. My kids will be blessed helping me serve. This calling forced me to look beyond my full plate and see that I was needed elsewhere too. Being a mother and wife is the most important thing ever. But, in addition to that, I can do so much.
3. Don't judge
The Relief Society President is heavily involved in the temporal and spiritual welfare of people in the ward. I was given an opportunity to understand the plights and difficulties of many families. I learned that we can never judge others and their situations. Some people just have it rough. Some people are dealt a rotten hand and are miraculously making the best of it. Some people look like they've got it together, but are secretly hanging by a thread. You never know. There have been countless times over the past years, that I have gone to a home expecting to give answers, to help and uplift. Instead, I walked away feeling humbled by the strength, hope, and faith of others. Other times, I show up for a friendly hello and walk away realizing that this person is in desperate need. Because we never know what someone else is going through, we have to always be kinder and more patient than we think necessary.
4. Welfare
This is a messy topic. It is a messy issue. Maybe that's the lesson I learned. Sometimes it is a choice. Sometimes people are happy living that way. Sometimes, people just weren't taught about hard work, or given skills to succeed in society. Sometimes it is bad luck. People's problems are complex. There's rarely one answer. Mental health plagues many. Sometimes we can help, and sometimes we can't. Seeing all these situations made me so very grateful for my blessings. I am so glad that I am healthy and can work hard. I am so grateful for parents who taught me about money, about hard work, about how to get and keep a job, about the importance of education, etc. And I am so grateful for a husband who had parents do the same. Because of those lessons, we can be successful and productive despite hurtles. Not everyone gets to say that.
5. Give your bishop a big hug. (or at least a firm handshake)
Bishops do so so much. This was my first real look behind the curtain of an LDS ward. Man oh man, is there a lot to do! I try to imagine all the work my presidency did and compare that to the bishop, or his counselors and I just want give them a standing ovation. Add High Priest Group Leaders to that list (our ward handy-men) and Elder Quorum Presidents and there are some serious man hours being put into the ward. Thank them. Bring them cookies. Offer to help. They have a heavy burden to bear.
6. 90/10 rule
I heard someone say that 90% of the work in any ward is being done by 10% of its members. I think that's probably true. I was calling the same sisters over and over when I needed something to get done. Why? Because I knew they would get it done. I tried to spread the work as much as possible. But, there are only so many strong visiting teachers to go around. Only so many people who returned my phone calls (hopefully, they will be my friend again now that I'm released). Part of me is saddened by this phenomenon. We need so much more help. Part of me is so very grateful for that 10%. They rock! I want to always be in the working, helping 10%.
7.Visiting Teaching
Of course, how could we not talk about the importance of visiting teaching. I must admit, I wasn't always a stellar visiting teacher. But, boy if you ask for a testimony of visiting teaching, you'll probably get called as RS President. Because there is no way I could take care of everything I needed to without great visiting teachers. They help lighten the load. Also, I saw the miraculous impact visiting teachers can have. Sisters in our ward were coming to church after years of absence because of a wonderful visiting teacher. One time, we had a tragic and sudden death of a young father. Just hours later, I was at the house of the 23 year old widowed mother of two. While I was busy asking about meals and childcare, there was a knock on the door. This girl's visiting teacher rushed in, embraced her, and they cried together. Then, she smiled and let herself out without saying anything. No words were needed. This grieving sister knew her visiting teachers loved her and were there for her in her time of need. This couldn't have happened if her visiting teachers had not come consistently, gotten to know and love her. I truly believe that good visiting teaching is the mark of a woman who knows and believes the gospel. If she understands this simple program in the church, she can work miracles. I hope I can always be a good visiting teacher.
8. Women are Amazing
The first week I was called as RS President, there were three funerals in our ward. Talk about initiation by fire. I had to jump right in. I needed a lot of help. I remember quickly exiting the chapel after one of the funerals, in a hurry to get things set up for the luncheon we were providing. I fell in step behind another sister of our ward who had just finished playing the music for the funeral. As she walked down the hall to the kitchen, she pulled an apron from her purse, put it over her head and tied it behind her waist. Suddenly, the image of Superman came into my mind. It wasn't a phone booth, and she didn't have a cape, but she was, in many ways, a superhero. The women of the church play many roles. They are often quiet, unheralded roles. But, that doesn't make them any less heroic or amazing. In fact, I think the lack of appreciation makes them even more grand. Because I was privy to many of these unseen acts, I gained a better appreciation for the power that women have. I felt it. I saw it. The Relief Society is like a quiet army. I pity the person who tries to combat the women of the church. We are a force to be reckoned with. Because I am part of that force, I am given strength and power. By rubbing shoulders with, serving, and leaning on these women, I can become more powerful.
Because of these lessons, I think I can call this experience life changing. I am a better person because I learned these things. I am sure that my days will become filled over the next few months. I will be busy again. My house may be a little cleaner. But, I hope that these lessons stick with me forever. I will do all I can to make this change permanent.
