I'd like to take a break from our Italy posts (at this rate, we will be talking about it for years) and write about something closer to what my life really consists of: parenting. Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't these little spirits come with a how-to video that we can download and refer to when times get rough? Anyway, two lessons that Brent and I have really been talking about teaching our children are: gratitude and accomplishing hard things. For now, let's discuss the later. Doing hard things. We all know that some peole are naturally good at certain things (like eating a whole bag of kettle baked lays chips in twenty minutes) and not so good at other things (like staying up on the latest fashion trends). That's fine. I can appreciate those differences. The challenge is learning to work hard at the things that don't come naturally. Trying and working and rising to the challenge. I want my kids to be able to do things that aren't easy. I want them to come up against a mountain in life, see the overwhelming task ahead, take a deep breath and start climbing. And, I don't even care if they reach the peak in record time (or at all in some cases). As long as they did their very best. While not always true, I kind of have a "all things can be accomplished with hard work" attitude.
Sounds like a great life lesson, right? The problem is figuring out how to teach it. Do we constantly give our children hard tasks? Isn't that setting them up for constant failure? Do we constantly give them easy tasks? If so, how will they learn to overcome? And if the answer is both, how do we know which mountains to make them climb and which ones to not bother with?
A certain child of mine is struggling with this lesson. And...she is oh so stubborn. Let me give an example. In a few weeks, our family will be participating in a family triathlon. Not a real triathlon, of course, a VERY simplified version. But, it does require swimming, biking, and running. Swimming is the thing I am most worried about. Our kids swim for fun (alllll summer), but not for speed. So, today while at the pool, I told the girls to swim the length of the pool and back so they can get an idea of how to do it. It took a little persuasion with one, and A LOT of persuasion with the other. Like full on crying and stomping of feet with an ultimatum that if she did not do it, she could never swim again (of course I would totally follow through with that threat). "It's too hard, I can't do it, that's too far, I WILL NOT DO IT!!!".
I left her to her thoughts, and she finally did give a half-hearted attempt, then swam to me sobbing and saying that she didn't want to do the race and hated swimming and WOULD NOT participate with the family.
Now, this is a highly capable, smart little girl. She can succeed at most anything she puts her mind to. But, what if she doesn't want to put her mind to it? I can't force her. I can seldom motivate her. How can I show her that a little hard work can go a long way? How can I teach her to just start hiking to that peak and see how far she gets? She could climb all sorts of mountains in life. I don't want her to miss out on all those metaphoric views. More importantly, I want her to be able to turn around and see that steep path she just climbed and experience the sense of pride that comes from doing hard things.
3 comments:
Amen! I hear ya. I came across this link http://www.simplyfreshdesigns.com/2011/10/we-can-do-hard-things-freebie/ and had costco do a large print 16x20 for me and put it up on my kitchen wall. And it made it totally worth any "we can do hard things" talks I've had with my kids when my 6 yr old pointed to it one day and reminded herself that she could do hard things as she was struggling through a task that she found daunting. Hang in there, you are a great mom and it is totally worth all effort you put into teaching your kids this... but then you already knew that! :)
Amen, amen! Love your post and love Aliza's comment! You are both an inspiration to me.
Well hello friend. So pleased to find you posted something. I hadn't checked in a while, because you hadn't posted. So thanks for all the reading material tonight. So fun to get at little peak at your world. You are awesome. Grateful to hear about your mom efforts (and yours too Aliza and Anna). It is a support to me to know you are working at this mom thing and trying to figure it all out in your corner of the world.
You don't mind if I add a whole novel of thoughts onto your blog comments do you? Oh good. :) One thing that I think is important about that, "I can do hard things" phrase that mormons are loving right now, is that we point our kids to the source of strength that will get us through hard times. I noticed on that vinyl Liza shared it it says, "with God nothing is impossible." That's the part I like. I like the saying just a little better if it is altered to something like, "I can do hard things...IN THE STRENGTH OF THE LORD." Anyway, Miranda I think we've talked about this, but I've just been thinking about how to teach the kids that there is help available when they need to do hard things. The Lord's grace is not just for sin, but to help us when we are doing hard things. "As to my strength I am weak, therefore I boast not of myself, but I boast of my God. For in his strength I can do all things." I want them(and me for that matter) to understand that the Lord isn't just going to make it so that learning to play the piano is easy, It will still require all that hard work we are talking about, but I want them to know that strength and help is available for them if they will call upon the Lord. I want them to learn how that help will probably come in small simple ways(I love Elder Christofferson's CES talk about daily bread), but that it will come.
Anyway, just thoughts. Our kids are learning how to do the hard things in their world while we practice the hard thing of figuring out how to mother them :)
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