2 Current Cougars

 Aiden is now a college student What?! We spent a few days packing up his room and then loaded the car and drove straight to BYU to drop everything off.  The next day, we came back and started to move him in.  A few things worth remembering:

Aiden has been frustrated the past month about how much I was nagging him to do certain college prep things (have you checked about your AP credits?  have you emailed your roommate? have you looked for a campus job? etc.)  This is not a new dynamic.  I made a conscious decision to just make a list of things that needed to be done and then leave it alone.  Eventually, Aiden stepped up and got almost everything done.  I need to remember this.  He will do most things he needs to, just not on my time.  

Aiden did not care even a little about how functional/organized his dorm room was going to be.  He was fine just throwing his clothes in a bag and grabbing his phone charger.  He would figure out the rest as needed.  This is not how I work.  I meticulously planned his room (I paid Anna Huber to go and measure the dorms) and had everything purchased and delivered weeks ahead of time.  When we showed up, his bed was 5 inches shorter than I planned and I had to breath and pivot my plans.  This setback didn't worry Aiden at all.

Aiden was a little hesitant about BYU, Helaman Halls, college etc.  His roommate didn't arrive for several days and he started getting nervous that he had made the wrong choice to come at all.  But, once Freshman orientation started, he had a dozen new friends the first day and has not looked backed since.  He is loving the freedom, the social opportunities and may never get homesick. This kid is gonna love college!  

Aiden was so excited about his woodworking class that he tore open the class packet as soon as we picked it up.  He read all about what he was going to make, learn and try.  He was very much looking forward to all of it. He is also excited about Physics.

I stayed in Utah for several days after dropping him off.  So, I said goodbye over and over.  I am not sure if this was better or worse than a clean break.  I didn't get overly emotional but maybe I will fall apart when I get home.

I also helped Sydney organize her cute new house.  She asked me to do this as a birthday gift. Don't ask me how long it took to get this shelf in her pantry.  It is now part of the house.  Also, I got to meet Jackson and go to lunch with some of Sydney's friends.  It was really fun.  She has a great group of people in Provo and I am so glad.  She had a rough summer with her job and is so glad to be back in class with all her friends.  She is happy dating Jackson and is thriving.  So very proud of her.

Growing Up and Growing Pains

Aiden's summer has consisted of the following:  working at Firehouse Subs, going to FSY in San Diego with his friends, lots of camping, fishing and nights in the Pecan Groves. He got his wisdom teeth out and spent every minute he could with his friends.  

This was a photo from their last "party" at our house.  I have mentioned it before but I am beyond grateful for these boys.  They have been an answer to my prayers on more than one occasion. The last Sunday Aiden was home, Tyler Hogge gave his mission farewell talk.  Then I realized next week, I would be sitting alone with Taylor.  By the end of sacrament meeting I was sobbing.  I tried going to class but couldn't keep it together and ended up crying in my car.  Over the years I have learned to just let the tears come and don't fight it.  Often, a good cry is the only thing that allows me to process and move on. I am so excited to see what the next 5 years holds for these kids!

 Also, Aiden and Lilly decided to break up in July so Aiden could adjust and be ready for college by September.  Honestly, it was really hard for Aiden and he was pretty emotional for a few weeks  He knew he needed a distraction and so he bought some fancy wood online and spent weeks making two checkerboard open grain cutting boards (he gave me one and gave the other to Lily's parents, John and Marie).  He loved it. 

As the summer progressed, Aiden started talking about how maybe he didn't really want/need to go to college, maybe he would just be a carpenter.  "After all," he said, "Jesus was a carpenter."  I suggested we find a woodworking class at BYU.  He has also started questioning serving a mission. Honestly, he's been floundering a bit.  He is an amazing boy and I know he's going to succeed at whatever he chooses to do.  I am hopeful that getting to BYU will excite and fulfill him. The waiting and transition periods are always the hardest.

We celebrated Aiden's birthday a few days early because Brent was leaving on a business trip. He had berry pie and 18 presents.

 

In the middle of all the college prep, this girl turned 16 and started her junior year of high school. 

She had a pink sweet 16 slumber party with her friends.  

They did a photo scavenger hunt, karaoke, crafts and stayed up way too late.  Like Aiden, Taylor has been blessed with and amazing group of friends.  It was fun to have them all over to celebrate her.

One last hoorah

Brent, Taylor and Aiden have all been travelling and going all directions this summer.  I have been staying home, working and supporting.  I decided I wanted to do one family thing before Aiden left, so I planned a camping trip.  Amelia had to back out last minute, but Tanner and his family decided to join us (they're trying to become campers).  Shara had some time off between jobs so she flew down and was such a good sport about spending her vacation sleeping in a tent.  We drove up to a campsite right on lake RR on the top of Mt. Graham.  It was cool and beautiful and we saw a ton of wildlife.  There were several bears who roamed around, a few bald Eagles and we even saw a baby deer that must have only been a few days old.  It was really fun. and I'm glad we made the effort.

We did get stuck in our tents one afternoon because of a big monsoon storm, which left Taylor and Hannah's tent flooded.  They ended up sleeping the next night in the car while things dried out.  Between rainstorms, Devin and I did some paddleboarding.

Aiden spent a good amount of time fishing on the dock.  He loved having Austin and Parker join him.  Aiden is a great friend to his little cousins.  He genuinely enjoys them.

Games with family and friends

June contained two big events.  The Robertson Reunion, and Taylor's soccer national tournament.

For the reunion, we all went to the property Ben and Shanlee own in Southern Utah.  It was in the middle of nowhere, which meant there was no cell service (yay for teens having to get off their phones), and was about an 1 1/2 hours on a very bumpy dirt road.  We had a few cabins we could use with bathrooms and beds for everyone.  A few weeks before, I offered to do all the food planning (since I had a menu already planned from girls camp last year)  and Amelia planned some fun games and activities. Unfortunately, Tanner and his family decided not to join us and Cody, Sherise and Maxwell were in Asia for a big school trip.  They missed out because it was a smashing success!

Amelia had a big survivor-type afternoon with teams, challenges, and races (fire building), which everyone did and had a really good time.  

One of the games was trying to get your partner to say your assigned phrase while wearing noise cancelling headphones.  It was so much fun.

One of the highlights was the four wheelers.  We had nearly endless roads to explore and there was always a line of people waiting to go out.

We hiked a nearby slot canyon

I am so grateful for my family. Hanging out the them fills my cup and make me happy.  I am so glad we were able to make this happen!

At the end of the month, Taylor and Brent flew to Virginia to compete in the national DPL tournament. It felt cool to "need" to fly across the country for soccer.  The team had finished first in their region, so we had high hopes of winning our games.  Unfortunately, they were eliminated after their guaranteed three games. 

 But, Taylor and Brent still had a good time.  It was nice for Taylor to bond with these girls.  She has been the late comer all year and has been trying to find her group among her teammates.  Brent also came home with several parent BFFs.

I have been very grateful that Taylor was asked to play on this team this year.  They are a good team with some great players and it's been fun to see Taylor hold her own on the field with them.  Lots of parents have asked why she hasn't been on the team the past few years (to which we don't have a good answer).  She has enjoyed playing at a higher level and works hard both at practices and games.

  Plus, she adorable!

Pomp and Circumstance

In the past month, we have had two graduations.  Emma from college, and Aiden from high school!!!

Emma is officially a real adult now.  Once you graduate college, you are no longer "adult in training"  you are "go make somethin go of your life" adult.  This girl is feeling a bit of that pressure.

Brent and I drove up and spent a few nights in Flagstaff.  Grandma and Gramps met us there too.  It was fun to all be together to celebrate her hard work. (not pictured, Cody who helped us celebrate her too).

Emma has always been smart and done well in school.  She graduated with a high GPA and was even able to save money the past four years.  She is creative and a great artist.  She is compassionate and loves people easily.  She feels deeply and wants to make others happy.  It's fun to look back and see these personality traits in her, even as a toddler.  Parenting Emma came with a steep learning curve.  I am proud of the way I have learned to be her mom and am so very grateful we have a good relationship.  She came to us as the Emma I know now and it has been so amazing to see her bloom and become more of herself the past four years.  She makes this world a better place and I am so grateful we get to be her parents!  So very proud of her and love her beyond words!

A few weeks later, Aiden had his graduation. Something about Aiden graduating has felt particularly sad.  I love this boy who is turning into a grown man.  My feelings for him are tender and, the past few months, have been very near the surface.  I've learned that events like this bring on a lot of tears and to just let the feelings come.  We are so very proud of him and excited to see where life takes him over the next few years.

A few months ago, Aiden just texted Brent and I and said, "I'll go to BYU"  to which I said, "okay"

He had really been struggling to decide between Utah State and BYU (mostly because he didn't really feel passionate either way). So, I was glad he finally just made a commitment and didn't want to question his choice.  We were already behind on so many things.  We jumped on the housing portal the next day and Aiden got the last bed at Helaman Halls.  So, he is planning on doing a year of school and then a mission.  His senior year has been pretty easy academically and pretty busy in all other ways.  He did cross country, club soccer (with Vail club which he loved), school soccer, track, work at Firehouse Subs, had a girlfriend, camped and went fishing as much as possible and slept in between (man this kid can sleep deeply anywhere in an instant).

These boys are amazing!  Don't they just look like the kind of kids you'd like to hang out with?

Sydney and Emma came down for his graduation (we left the next morning for the Robertson reunion).  It was so fun to have all four kids home for a day.  My heart feels more calm and I sleep better when they're all home.

Gainfully employed

So, I was sitting at a track meet the other day chatting with Lily's parents (Marie and John Olsen).  Marie mentioned that they were short staffed at their PT clinic and I felt the familiar nag inside that I get every time I hear of a job opening.  You see, working has been a looming issue for me for the past ten plus years.  Part of the nag I felt was guilt for not jumping at the chance to start working.  Part of the nag was pure terror of entering the workforce again and making such a huge commitment.  Part of the nag was knowing Brent would love me to bring in some extra money.  Part of the nag was knowing I have time to spare (and will have more of that very soon) and should be doing something "productive" with my days. I have felt a lot of pressure from the world, from Brent (although he denies it), and from myself about all of these things.  So much so, that it has become a very sensitive subject for me. So, I ignored the nag and continued chatting and watching the track meet.  

Over the next several weeks, the job opening at the clinic has come up several times with the Olsens.  And the nagging feeling wouldn't go away.  In fact, I realized that the more I thought about this particular job, the more peace I felt about it.  I still felt fear, pressure and anxiety.  But, I also felt like things would be okay and this would be a good fit for me.  So, I cautiously reached out and asked for details.  To make a long story short, they offered me a part-time entry level job.  It's nothing glamorous or high paying, but it seems like a great place to work, with good people.  I am working 10am-2pm two days/week.

This feels like a huge change for me and I am nervous about taking the leap.  Between this and the temple 1 day/week, I suddenly feel very busy.  But, right off the bat, I can tell you that this will definitely check some boxes for me.  It feels good to have to dress up and be somewhere.  It feels good to be earning a little money.  The people at Progressive PT are very kind, and friendly.  Marie and Jessica (my bosses) are very good at making me feel like I am amazing and an asset.  That feels nice (stay at home mom's never get that kind of feedback). On the other hand, it's a bit annoying to have to ask for time off.  And a bit annoying to not have so much flexibility in my week.  

So, here's to following those nagging feelings and stepping out of my comfort zone.  I am nervous-cited and cautiously optimistic about this new chapter.

The parenting roller coaster

Something I've learned raising teens and young adults:  if you think you're doing a great job and all the kids are thriving, just wait a week. Inevitably, you learn about a struggle your child is dealing with you didn't see coming. Or someone's attitude sky-rockets.  Or some event forces your family to make a detour.  

I can't even tell you the number of times I've gone from thinking, "Wow, our kids are doing great!" to "Oh my word!  How are we going to get through this," in a matter of days. Often it happens with all four kids at once.  Suddenly, the overwhelm is high and the discouragement is deep.  

But, those are not the things that make this blog book.  When the other shoe falls, you don't rush to document it or post on social media.  Both because of the shame and because those stories, as a parent, are not mine to tell.

But, I felt the need to just acknowledge the presence of these moments amidst these pages full of celebration and pride.   

I do want to focus on the success of my kids.  But, I want to just take a moment and say that in between these amazing smiles and high fives, there are also some hard things happening.  And, in a way, that makes the good even more precious.

Our kids are more talented than yours

It's true.  I often say to my kids, "if you weren't so talented, we could sit around all day and do nothing."  But, they have all decided to be awesome, so we are busy driving, cheering, supporting and clapping for them.  

This spring was full of track success for Aiden and Taylor.  Brent was able to get some nice photos at one of the meets.  Aiden got better and better at his 110 hurdle race.  He now holds the Walden record (15.14)  

Also, while racing at Mt. View, he ran into the hurdle with his knee (didn't fall or knock it down) and still won his heat.  Apparently, if you break it, you take it home.  So, now we have a hurdle as a keepsake.  Also, Aiden had a huge goose egg  on his knee for a few days.

Aiden also competed in the triple jump.  His season was kind of mediocre, but he ended up getting a state qualifying distance at the last meet.  He went to state with a fire inside him wanting to see just how far he could jump.  And, he ended up doing amazing!  

He beat his PR by nearly 2 feet and won 3rd place in the division with a jump of 42.08! It was so fun!  Good news: he went out on a high note.  Bad news: now he REALLY wants to know how good he could be and is wishing he had done track for all four years and tried to get on a college team.

Taylor also had a great track year.  Her problem is trying to find only 4 events to do each meet.  She wants to do them all and has had success in a lot of events.  This year, she has focused a little more on the 400 m race because she was having great times in the 400 x 4 relay.  Her 400 goal was to get under a minute but she missed that by 1.16 seconds. It took all season to get a good relay team together.  Girls kept being flakey or slow.  It was really frustrating for Taylor (she is the fastest girl at Walden).  At the very last meet, a new group of girls tried the 4x4 relay and qualified for state with a time of 4:18

Taylor also did the long jump whenever she was able.  Her season long distance was 15.7

She is always super motivated by her times/distances.  Track is a good sport for her because she is disciplined and self motivated (which is also why relay teams can be very frustrating).  Brent and I have learned to love track meets. It has been so fun to see these two try, learn and succeed at a sport besides soccer.

Taylor also participated in the annual piano ensemble.  Piano has been a real struggle to fit in so I'm not sure if she will continue. 

Amelia and I took a road trip to bring Sydney a new car. 

Also, she was having her own successes at BYU and I was excited to see her in a show after so long.  It was so much fun to watch her again.  She was performing in the BYU Broadway Revue and was part of a trio for one of the numbers.  She was awesome.  She is really having the best time doing MDT and is so happy at BYU.  She loves doing her homework (singing and dancing) and has amazing friends.  So proud of her!

Also, Emma was crushing life at NAU.  Her Senior capstone project has been a huge job.  She had to design a space with specific parameters, doing tons of research.  She decided to make a study/crafting/hang out space in Sahuarita with a small coffee bar.  She presented her project in front of her professors (we got to tune in and watch) who loved it.  We will get to also see her display at a small Interior Design reception when we come up for graduation.  She has really enjoyed her major and is so good at it!

 

I'm not crying-you're crying

High school season has come to an end-cue the water works

This is the also the end of Aiden's high school soccer career-cue the big water works.

First of all, Taylor had another amazing season.  She started every Varsity game and was rarely subbed out.  It was so much fun to see how much she has improved from last year.  Coach Jose is one of the best coaches we've had and he does a great job of helping Taylor feel confident and still motivated.  She is a vocal leader on the field and Her and Aiden were both given regional player honorable mentions.

Aiden also started and played every single game.  Man, it was fun watching this kid play.  That has seriously been one of the highlights of my life.  Watching him on the field-working, running, celebrating, succeeding.  Aiden shines when playing soccer and saying goodbye to that is very very hard.  I am kind of heartbroken that it's over.  I am worried about how he will fill this void. Soccer has been such a big part of his life, a big part of who he is. 

The team advanced to the 1st round of the 4A finals, meeting Amphitheater High in a home game.  The whole game was pretty intense.  Players were emotional and the game was getting pretty physical. Amphitheater had a player out of control who got kicked out. Even with the other team playing down a player, we still couldn't pull ahead and the game ended in a 3-3 tie.  We ended up doing penalty kicks.  Each kick was intense and we were tied when Aiden took his kick.  It was seriously like a movie-Senior year, last game, tied PKs and the lead character has to take the last kick.  Thankfully, Aiden made a perfect shot and I started crying with relief/happiness/grief.  Unfortunately, our next player missed and Walden lost the game. 

I was able to keep it together during Senior night.  But, once that last game was over, we all got emotional.  As soon as the PKs were over, Aiden bent over with his face in his hands and started sobbing. His coach came over and put his hand on his back and just stood by him under the lights while he cried.  It was sweet. (I took a photo but was worried it would embarrass Aiden so I deleted it soon afterwards).  

For the next two weeks, my emotions were pretty close to the surface.  I made a highlight video of every single soccer video we had since he was a little kid (for his graduation party).  That was pretty emotional but it also helped me to just cry things out.  Thankfully, Aiden has a few more weeks of club season so we have a little bit more games left. But this feels like a very big loss and we are grieving a bit (part of me knows this is a bit dramatic, but its also true.)

Aiden, we are so proud of you both on and off the field. Cheering you on all these years was one of our greatest honors!

 

Party Goals

A few weeks ago, I had some friends over for a weekday afternoon.  We worked on a puzzle and just took time to chat.  I walked away feeling rejuvenated and so happy.  I am clearly an extrovert.  I started thinking, if having people over really does fill my cup and make me happy then I should make it a bigger priority.  So, I decided to make that my new year's resolution.  I have made a goal to throw one party each month.  I am not sure how this is going to go.  Maybe once a month is too often.  But, I am excited too.  For January, I invited a few ladies over for a soup exchange.  Honestly, it was a bit underwhelming. Only three people ended up coming and the conversation was a bit awkward. I am hoping things get better.  I am also going to try to take photos of the parties and look back over the year.  Here's to new goals and making important things a priority.

 Unfortunately, this was the only photo I took at the end of our soup swap.  Not the best start.

End of the 2025

 Our year ended much like it does every year:

High school soccer season.  Hard to imagine Aiden never doing this again.  Taylor is starting in the midfield for the Varsity team and Aiden is still an amazing defender.

Gas station nachos on Christmas Day.

Winterhaven with the Clarks.