Gainfully employed

So, I was sitting at a track meet the other day chatting with Lily's parents (Marie and John Olsen).  Marie mentioned that they were short staffed at their PT clinic and I felt the familiar nag inside that I get every time I hear of a job opening.  You see, working has been a looming issue for me for the past ten plus years.  Part of the nag I felt was guilt for not jumping at the chance to start working.  Part of the nag was pure terror of entering the workforce again and making such a huge commitment.  Part of the nag was knowing Brent would love me to bring in some extra money.  Part of the nag was knowing I have time to spare (and will have more of that very soon) and should be doing something "productive" with my days. I have felt a lot of pressure from the world, from Brent (although he denies it), and from myself about all of these things.  So much so, that it has become a very sensitive subject for me. So, I ignored the nag and continued chatting and watching the track meet.  

Over the next several weeks, the job opening at the clinic has come up several times with the Olsens.  And the nagging feeling wouldn't go away.  In fact, I realized that the more I thought about this particular job, the more peace I felt about it.  I still felt fear, pressure and anxiety.  But, I also felt like things would be okay and this would be a good fit for me.  So, I cautiously reached out and asked for details.  To make a long story short, they offered me a part-time entry level job.  It's nothing glamorous or high paying, but it seems like a great place to work, with good people.  I am working 10am-2pm two days/week.

This feels like a huge change for me and I am nervous about taking the leap.  Between this and the temple 1 day/week, I suddenly feel very busy.  But, right off the bat, I can tell you that this will definitely check some boxes for me.  It feels good to have to dress up and be somewhere.  It feels good to be earning a little money.  The people at Progressive PT are very kind, and friendly.  Marie and Jessica (my bosses) are very good at making me feel like I am amazing and an asset.  That feels nice (stay at home mom's never get that kind of feedback). On the other hand, it's a bit annoying to have to ask for time off.  And a bit annoying to not have so much flexibility in my week.  

So, here's to following those nagging feelings and stepping out of my comfort zone.  I am nervous-cited and cautiously optimistic about this new chapter.