Each year, the first day of school is a stark reminder to me that my kids are growing up. That fact is so so sad in many ways. That morning, in the school parking lot, I let myslef mourn that reality. I cried and cried while other mothers walked back to their cars and buckled in their babies and toddlers. Thankfully, I have good friends who were going through the same thing and we were all meeting for breakfast so I was forced to pull it together, wipe my tears away and go chat with them....for two whole child free hours (just because we could.)
Over the past two weeks, I have been asked many times what this new freedom is like. Sometimes, it is a question by a young mother longing to be in my position. Sometimes, it is from an older mother offering her sympathy and understanding for my lose. I usually tell them a few of the following lessons:
1. The time goes quickly. I could swear little elves are pushing that clock faster while my kids are gone. I have determined to do three things every day; exercise, read my scriptures, and walk the dog. By the time I do those things, my whole morning is often gone and I am left with two or three hours to do everything else. No, I do not feel like I have oodles of spare time.
2. I miss the noise. My house is eerily quiet. Too quiet. So, I talk to the dog...a lot. I turn on the TV or the radio. I sing out loud. I would have never guessed that I would miss the noise my children bring.
3. There are soooo many good things I could do. While raising young kids, I longed to do many things but felt I couldn't because I was needed at home. I wanted to volunteer at the school and in the community, I wanted to learn to play the organ or the guitar, I wanted to take a class at the community college, I wanted to read more, I wanted to deep clean my house regularly. I vowed that when my kids were older, I would do conquer this list. But, I find that I still can't do all of them, there's just not enough time and I'm having a hard time choosing.
4. I miss my kids. Granted it's only been two weeks and this feeling may wear off, but I can't wait for them to come home. I am exicted to hear about their day and talk to them.
5. I am no more patient than before. For some reason, I thought I would be. But, even after having all that alone time, I get cross with my kids during homework and dinner and running to classes. It's so crazy from 3-7pm each day and I thought I'd handle it better. I feel extremely guilty about this. I feel like I only have to be a good mom for 5 hours each day and I can't even do that. I am constantly looking for ideas to help and am working on it.
6. I need my friends. I am lonely. I need to hang out with people who make me happy. Interactions with my friends happened naturally when we were dropping kids off or having lunch at the park. Now, I need to schedule play dates for myself. I need to go to lunch or on a walk or shopping with a friend. It's necessary for me.
7. It's going to be easy to be selfish. My time is strictly my own each day. I could never say that before. The other day, a friend asked if I could help her clean her house after she moved out. I totally hesitated. I had things to do. I had a plan. My few free hours were packed with things. I didn't want to help. I was surprised at myself. It's going to take a conscious effort to give my time, to help, to not think about what I wanted to do with my time. Maybe that's always the case, but I can tell it will be harder for me now.
I am sure as time passes, things will fall into place and this will all be normal. It's just going to take some adjusting. I can only imagine how it will be when my kids actually do leave the house permanently. Then, I will probably look back on these next few years and long for them again. I guess the trick to parenting is to enjoy the phase you're in without longing for the past or waiting for the future. Here's to enjoying this new phase.
4 comments:
Well said! I too remember sobbing after dropping my youngest off at kindergarten. These same feelings repeat as you move on up the child-rearing ladder to last child leaving elementary school, first child in high school, last child graduating from high school, etc. Even now, our youngest, who is 27 years old (so old!), is moving away from California, the last of our children to do so. I find myself already mourning the loss of our monthly lunches and get-togethers, my regular chance to be a mother "in person." My mother-soul aches to have him stay, while at the same time I am proud of his accomplishments that necessitate that he move. We don't talk enough about how complex motherhood is!
I was thinking about "new normals" and all that adjusting, and then you said it so well at the end. Hang on. The new normal will be all too normal very soon. Your relationship with your kids changes constantly--you want it that way, or they would be little children forever. Your relationship with your husband and your heavenly father changes too, but I think they are more stabilizing and more constant. Hang on, hang on!
I remember each and every one of these feelings when Megan headed off to Kindergarten 17 years ago. It is amazing how quickly your new "free time" fills up with new busy-ness. Lots more flexibility in your new life, but still plenty to do! Love your posts.
I have one more year and have already been dreading this next life phase...thanks for sharing.
Post a Comment