Tesa

Man oh man, have I got a lot of catching up to do.  As I thought about what's been going on over the past months that I have failed to write about, Christmas popped into my head first.  Not only because it's Christmas and all things magical and wonderful happen during that month.  And not only because some of my family drove and flew all the way to be with us for the holiday.  So grateful for sisters and parents who love me.  Those were definitely highlights.

But, this is the reason Christmas was a biggie for us this year....

Cutest Dog Ever!

Let me just backup and say that our kids have been asking for a dog since the beginning of time.  They begged, they pleaded, they cried.  Brent has always been adamantly against it.    I started pushing it harder this fall and he eventually caved.   I quickly said "no take backs" and started shopping around.

To make a long story short, we found a liter of puppies in Utah and my parents offered to drive her down to us in time to surprise the kids on Christmas.  It was two long months of waiting for me.  I was dying to have her.  I was dying to surprise the kids.  Brent was just dying inside wondering what he'd gotten himself into. 

We arranged to have the puppy at a friends for a day and then went and picked her up after the kids were asleep Christmas Eve.  Shara, my sweet sister, slept downstairs with her so she wouldn't get too loud.

Then, Christmas morning, the kids came downstairs to see a large wrapped box near the tree.  We made it clear that this present was from mom and dad (in order to get the glory and to make sure the kids knew we had condoned this).   Once they opened it, they all squealed.  Sydney bent right down and told the dog, "I love you, I love you."   I may or may not have choked up.

Her name is Tesa (Taylor, Emma, Sydney, Aiden).  She is a lot of work.  She is a lot of fun.  Really, I think I enjoy her more than the kids do.  She is my buddy.  We love her so much (even Brent when nobody is looking).

Grandma and Puppy.  

Best. Christmas. Ever!

Insights of a four year old

After a week of being a dog owner, Taylor said she has realized something about dogs.....they don't tell time. Also, people's feet don't stink. They just smell large. What I wouldn't know without her four year old insights.

Merry Grinchmas!

Another large event that I haven't documented was the ward Christmas party.  I was asked to be in charge of it back in September and it pretty much sucked up three months of my life.  In the end, I think we may have overdone it a bit.  But, it was a huge hit!  It was a Grinch themed party.  Everyone came dressed at whos from whoville.  My kids looked awesome, but I was too busy working the party to get a good picture. We had plastic cups hidden in our hair to make it stand straight up and then added all sorts of curly ribbon and Christmas decorations.  I wore my tree skirt.  So sad we didn't get a photo.  

Here is the invitation.  The bishop likes each family to get a formal invitation and we printed another 100 to get passed out to non members.

 It even rhymed Dr. Seuss style.

 The biggest hit was the indoor sled run.  Elizabeth, my good friend has a husband who love these kind of projects.  He spent two days setting it up. One track was about 10 feet high and the kids slid down cardboard on cardboard.  Another was about 6 feet high and 20 feet long.  It was a wooden track.  The kids sat in a box with wheels.  The kids were so happy!   We decorated the sides to look like a mountain and the sled looked like the Grinch's sleigh.

You can see Brent at the top, helping kids get on and off.

This is "Sydney Lou Who" going down the sled run.

The gym was decorated like whoville.  See those center pieces, aren't they cute?

 The stage was set up like a who's living room with a life sized, pose able Grinch.  It was a perfect picture spot (or so I heard).

 We had a who's feast complete with "roast beast" (ham) and who hash (potatoes).  The desserts were all green, but were still super delicious.

 It was a big hit, a super success, and tons of fun.  But, boy oh boy, I was tired of Seussical looking anything for a while. I had an awesome group of ladies help me pull it off.  We have a very talented and helpful ward.

Girls Night.

Girls night out. Beauty and the Beast and Macaroni grill. Sure love these two!

Fall Fun

We spent the day up the canyon enjoying the cooler weather.  

Can you tell there was a sale on Gap sweatshirts last week? 

Important things to know

"Mom, will I ever run out of tongue slober?"  Taylor asked.

"No," I assured her

"Good," she said with a sigh of relief, "because I have a lot of things I need to lick."

The Unheralded Role

     While staying at my mom's house this summer.  My dad turned to me while driving in the car one day and told me what a great mother I was.  He told me how I was doing a wonderful job, to keep up the good work, and how amazing my children are.  I immediately looked out the window to hide the tears streaming down my face, surprised at the impact of those words. They were just so wonderful to hear.
 
     Oftentimes, motherhood is a thankless job.  My children rarely tell me how grateful they are I made something yucky for dinner (again), or how they are so appreciative that I make them do homework and get to bed on time.  My husband is sometimes gone for longs hours and I feel alone in my exhaustion and frustration.  The work I have done feels overlooked, taken for granted or forgotten. Like nobody even noticed.  So, when I finally got a simple "atta boy," I couldn't hold in my emotions.

     How different would the world be if we gave mothers the applause they deserve?  Can you imagine getting a high five every time you controlled your temper and didn't yell even though you just mopped the floor and that orange juice is sooo sticky.  What if WE got a certificate of appreciation every time our kids accomplished something? Because we all know that if it wasn't for mothers, lots of kids wouldn't accomplish much.  What if the world gave prizes to mothers who made it out the door, on time, with everyone fully dressed?  What if raising a family was society's top priority?


     I've thought a lot about the experience with my dad. I joked with my friends a few days later that they need to call me every week and tell me what a great job I am doing so next time I hear it, it won't be such a big deal. Since then, I have tried harder to be that voice of gratitude and encouragement for other moms.  I look at the young moms at church remembering those days.  I remember looking at the clock and wondering what on earth we were going to do for the next six hours until bedtime.  I remember what a wonderful gift an hour to myself was.  I remember how overwhelming and discouraging it was to try to keep the house clean.  I just want to wrap my arms around those mothers and tell them they're doing an amazing job.  I hope they hear how wonderful their children are and that their imperfect efforts are enough.

     But, amidst the absence of glory or small amounts of appreciation, I am still so glad that I am a mother.   I am grateful for my four little gifts.  I am grateful that God loves me enough to teach me through them.  I know that if Heavenly Father came down today and gave me a list of my most important duties, being a mother would be right at the top.  I know I am doing exactly what He wants me to.  That gives me great strength and peace.  Having that knowledge makes the awards and accolades of the world seem less important.  It doesn't matter if anyone notices what I am doing, I will continue doing it.  Motherhood is that important.

Here is Elder Holland's talk on the subject that always makes me cry:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1997/04/because-she-is-a-mother?lang=eng

Growing up with style.

 I am six!  This boy runs at full throttle all day, every day. 

This is an accurate picture of how I feel trying to get him to sit and do homework or clean his room. AHHHH!

I am four! This girls is loves to chat and snuggle.

Taste of Home

Fresh peaches always remind me of my mom and make me a little homesick. I guess I will have to eat these with ice cream to make myself feel better.

 

My baby is Four!

Taylor turns four today.  I love four year birthdays because it means we have survived three and I finally get a little bit of my sweet, obedient child back.  Taylor is not exception.  She has been defiant and a tease for the past year.  Lately, I have seen her become more complacent and kind, which I think is her true form. 

 I have said before that we have mold A and mold B kids.  Taylor and Sydney are my mold B.  This is true with looks and temperament.  Taylor is typically thoughtful, calm, and easy to play with. She is happy to let others have what they want, and doesn't mind sharing.  She loves all girly things, especially dress ups.  She will put on something fancy and then walk around with her hands bent at the wrist like a dainty girl and speaking in a high tone.  She will then grant you a wish or leave you a present.  Its pretty adorable.  She also loves to play with dolls, barbies and our pretend kitchen.

As girly as she is, Taylor is happy to switch gears and play guns or swords too.  She will go fight monsters and bad guys.   She loves Jake and the Neverland Pirates (hence her cake), and My Little Ponies.

She is pretty social and loves her friends.  She is always having playdates and sending her friends letters in the mail.  Preschool starts in a few week, which she will really enjoy.  Her teacher's name is Miss Nichole and Taylor can't stop calling her Mr. Cool.  She has some imaginary friends called Cub-a, and Sub-i-da.  She will talk to them or sometimes buckle them in the car next to her.  She also has a family of squirrels living in her tummy and will tell me detailed stories about what they're doing or what they would like to eat.  Obviously, imagination is easy and fun for her. 

Maybe it's because she's my youngest, but I think Taylor is the cutest thing ever.  In many ways, she has her dad and I wrapped around her finger.  I'm glad she is too sweet to take advantage of it too much. She has one dimple and beatiful dark eyes that sparkle when she's happy.  She's also the tannest one in our family by far.  I'm already dreading all the boys who will surely be coming around in 10 years.

 What a blessing this little girl has been to our family.  Everyone adores her and I you could call our family the "Taylor fan club."  She still loves to be my cuddle bug and is often my shadow while the big kids are gone.  I am going to miss her so much next year when she starts school.  

The only pictures I could scrounge up for now were ones on my phone.  Most of these were taken this summer while we lived at my mom's house in Utah.  What fun we had!  

Happy Birthday my sweet Taylor!  I thank Heavenly Father everyday that I get to be your mother.  I love you!

One of the big kids

This girl has been more excited for preschool than she was for Christmas or her birthday. Me, on the other hand felt super sad last night thinking about her growing up.

Summer at Grandma's with Grandmas

I have decided to write my Grandma Madge's life history.  That's a whole blog post in itself.  As part of that process, we spent our whole summer in Utah at Grandma Robertson's house.  Grandma Madge came and stayed there too.  So, I spent several hours each day interviewing her about her life.  It was an amazing experience.  I know I will look back over her stories and the time we spent together with gratitude.  I love her so much!

It was also an awesome chance to spend a summer at Grandma's house.  I spent a lot of time planning fun things for my kids to do.  We got passes for Seven Peaks Water Park.  Each kid got to pick a class/activity to do.

Taylor chose swim lessons.

Aiden chose a karate class, which he took with Max and Sam.

Sydney took horse riding lessons. Emma took a performing arts class at the Scera theater in Provo.  Unfortunately, no photos of those.

We had lots of fun around grandma's fire pit.

 The big girls participated in a cake decorating contest. Thanks to lots of help from Aunt Shanlee.
  

Amelia and her family came to visit while we were there.  We went to a local fish hatchery.

And spent a night camping up Hobble Creek Canyon.

We went to the Thanksgiving Point children's museum several times.

We loved all the great cousin and grandma time we got to have.

And I got some quality sister time too.

It was a really fun summer.  Brent did come visit us for the July 4th weekend, so we were only away from him for about 4 weeks at a time.  We drove home just in time for school to start. 

Ultimate Laziness

Aiden has come up with a brilliant plan. He decided that if he sleeps like this his bed will already be made when he wakes up in the morning. Seriously. That's his endgame here.

Future baker turns 10

Emma turned 10!

She celebrated by having a baking party (she wants to be a pastry chef when she grows up). 

After grilling personal pizzas and decorating an apron, these kids got to make jolly rancher lollipops, decorate their own mini cake, melt chocolate candies, and make mini pies.  It was pretty fun and exhausting.  I think I will be doing dishes for days.

Released......

    For almost three years, I have been serving as the Relief Society President in my ward.  Before that I was a counselor for almost two years.  As many of you know, that made life a bit crazy.  This week I was released.  I have been knowing this was coming for months, and had really started to get trunky and a bit lazy about my duties.  I was ready to be done. I was tired.  I was no longer excited about things.  I was looking forward to my release.....or so I thought.
    It seemed like the minute the bishop released me and called the new Presidency, I couldn't stop crying.  People hugged me in the hall and I cried.  I bore my testimony and I blubbered.  The Bishop and his sweet wife brought me flowers and the minute I opened the door, I burst into tears.  I thought to myself, "Why? Why am I so sad to have my time back again? Why am I so upset that I don't have to worry about 100 different sisters and their struggles?"
  There are probably a lot of answers to those questions.  I think it is because I have loved, served, and grown so much over the past three years. My testimony has been strengthened.  Maybe this is what a mission feels like; happy to take that name tag off (or pass that binder to the next person), but so very sad that those experiences are over.
    I was busy.  So busy.  But, I was busy doing good things.  Sometimes I was literally feeding the hungry, or mourning with those that mourn.  Apart from my family, there was no better way to spend my time.  I knew that. At the end of the day, even though my house was dirty and my kids had eaten fast food for the third time in a week,  I knew I was doing what Heavenly Father needed me to do.

    And that made me happy.

    I thought I would take a minute (or 10) and write down some of the things I learned while serving as Relief Society President.  Years from now, this is what I hope I remember.

1.  I can do hard things. 

This calling was hard.  Let me say that again.  This calling was HARD.  It was beyond my comfort zone.  I was asked to do things that were scary or uncomfortable.  I was required to spend countless hours away from my busy schedule.  I was assigned to help people I'd never met.  I got phone calls from sisters contemplating divorce.  I was asked to go through cupboards and asses the needs of families asking for help.  I was expected to have answers and give advice.  I dealt with spousal abuse, poverty, hoarding, postpartum depression.  I needed to fix problems and prevent future issues.  Some of it was really really hard. Sometimes, the burden felt like a physical weight on my shoulders. What did I do?  I learned to pray for help.  As time went on, I could tell Heavenly Father was with me.  He helped me feel brave.  He helped me be bold when I needed to be bold.  He helped me testify when I needed to testify.  He blessed my family to survive the crazy nights when I would get an urgent phone call and needed to spend hours away.  Heavenly Father blessed my family with patience to support me and deal with my emotions.  He helped me not go crazy.  He sent angels in the form of great counselors and wonderful friends to help. Heavenly Father blessed me to be able to do hard things.  He increased my capacity to work and love more than I could on my own. How great is that?  He made me more than I was.  He helped me do hard hard things. Because of this I know that, in the future, He can help me do more hard things.  Doing hard things with His help, makes me better.

2.  I can do so much more.

When I was called as President, Taylor was one.  Aiden was three.  I had four children who were still very needy.  I was so worried about how I was going to juggle all these balls.  Somehow, I fit it all in. I learned to eliminate the good and the better for the very best (my family and calling).  I miraculously found time.  I was so surprised to see how much I was able to serve when I made it a priority.  Wow!  What if I had learned that lesson years ago?  I could have done so much good.  Instead, I thought I was too busy.  I thought I had too much on my own plate to spend a lot of time worrying about and helping others. But, I could have done so much more.  I CAN do so much more.  My kids will be blessed helping me serve.  This calling forced me to look beyond my full plate and see that I was needed elsewhere too.  Being a mother and wife is the most important thing ever.  But, in addition to that, I can do so much.

3. Don't judge

The Relief Society President is heavily involved in the temporal and spiritual welfare of people in the ward.  I was given an opportunity to understand the plights and difficulties of many families.  I learned that we can never judge others and their situations.  Some people just have it rough.  Some people are dealt a rotten hand and are miraculously making the best of it.  Some people look like they've got it together, but are secretly hanging by a thread.  You never know.   There have been countless times over the past years, that I have gone to a home expecting to give answers, to help and uplift.  Instead, I walked away feeling humbled by the strength, hope, and faith of others.  Other times, I show up for a friendly hello and walk away realizing that this person is in desperate need.  Because we never know what someone else is going through, we have to always be kinder and more patient than we think necessary.

4.  Welfare

This is a messy topic.  It is a messy issue.  Maybe that's the lesson I learned.  Sometimes it is a choice.  Sometimes people are happy living that way.  Sometimes, people just weren't taught about hard work, or given skills to succeed in society. Sometimes it is bad luck. People's problems are complex.  There's rarely one answer.  Mental health plagues many.  Sometimes we can help, and sometimes we can't. Seeing all these situations made me so very grateful for my blessings. I am so glad that I am healthy and can work hard. I am so grateful for parents who taught me about money, about hard work, about how to get and keep a job, about the importance of education, etc.  And I am so grateful for a husband who had parents do the same.  Because of those lessons, we can be successful and productive despite hurtles.  Not everyone gets to say that.

5.  Give your bishop a big hug. (or at least a firm handshake)

Bishops do so so much. This was my first real look behind the curtain of an LDS ward.  Man oh man, is there a lot to do!  I try to imagine all the work my presidency did and compare that to the bishop, or his counselors and I just want give them a standing ovation.  Add High Priest Group Leaders to that list (our ward handy-men) and Elder Quorum Presidents and there are some serious man hours being put into the ward.  Thank them. Bring them cookies. Offer to help.  They have a heavy burden to bear.

6. 90/10 rule

I heard someone say that 90% of the work in any ward is being done by 10% of its members.  I think that's probably true.  I was calling the same sisters over and over when I needed something to get done.  Why?  Because I knew they would get it done.  I tried to spread the work as much as possible.  But, there are only so many strong visiting teachers to go around.  Only so many people who returned my phone calls (hopefully, they will be my friend again now that I'm released).  Part of me is saddened by this phenomenon.  We need so much more help.  Part of me is so very grateful for that 10%.  They rock!  I want to always be in the working, helping 10%.

7.Visiting Teaching

Of course, how could we not talk about the importance of visiting teaching.  I must admit, I wasn't always a stellar visiting teacher.  But, boy if you ask for a testimony of visiting teaching, you'll probably get called as RS President.  Because there is no way I could take care of everything I needed to without great visiting teachers.  They help lighten the load.  Also, I saw the miraculous impact visiting teachers can have.  Sisters in our ward were coming to church after years of absence because of a wonderful visiting teacher.  One time, we had a tragic and sudden death of a young father.  Just hours later, I was at the house of the 23 year old widowed mother of two.  While I was busy asking about meals and childcare, there was a knock on the door.  This girl's visiting teacher rushed in, embraced her, and they cried together.  Then, she smiled and let herself out without saying anything.  No words were needed.  This grieving sister knew her visiting teachers loved her and were there for her in her time of need.  This couldn't have happened if her visiting teachers had not come consistently, gotten to know and love her. I truly believe that good visiting teaching is the mark of a woman who knows and believes the gospel.  If she understands this simple program in the church, she can work miracles.  I hope I can always be a good visiting teacher.

8.  Women are Amazing

The first week I was called as RS President, there were three funerals in our ward.  Talk about initiation by fire.  I had to jump right in.  I needed a lot of help.  I remember quickly exiting the chapel after one of the funerals, in a hurry to get things set up for the luncheon we were providing.  I fell in step behind another sister of our ward who had just finished playing the music for the funeral.  As she walked down the hall to the kitchen, she pulled an apron from her purse, put it over her head and tied it behind her waist. Suddenly, the image of Superman came into my mind.  It wasn't a phone booth, and she didn't have a cape, but she was, in many ways, a superhero.  The women of the church play many roles.  They are often quiet, unheralded roles.  But, that doesn't make them any less heroic or amazing.  In fact, I think the lack of appreciation makes them even more grand.  Because I was privy to many of these unseen acts, I gained a better appreciation for the power that women have.  I felt it.  I saw it.  The Relief Society is like a quiet army.   I pity the person who tries to combat the women of the church.  We are a force to be reckoned with.  Because I am part of that force, I am given strength and power.  By rubbing shoulders with, serving, and leaning on these women, I can become more powerful.

    Because of these lessons, I think I can call this experience life changing.  I am a better person because I learned these things.  I am sure that my days will become filled over the next few months. I will be busy again.  My house may be a little cleaner.  But, I hope that these lessons stick with me forever. I will do all I can to make this change permanent.

Yellow polk a dot tankini

I fixed our sprinklers all by myself. Go me. Now my reward is watching the cutest three year old ever have fun in them.

Perspective

Lately I have been focusing a lot on things I don't have. A big yard, some horses, nice cars, four wheelers and boats, the ability to travel a lot...etc. I look at this picture and remind myself that I really have so much to be grateful for. Love these crazies.

Stage love, not stage fright

Sydney's hula class performed today at a big hula festival in Tempe.  She's been taking for about a year and really enjoys it.   Her teacher told me last week that watching Sydney dance brought tears to her eyes. After watching her on stage, I can see why. Sydney feels the songs inside and it comes out in her face and her dancing.

She later told me that when she's on stage she isn't scared or nervous.  She said she feels love from everyone who is watching her and she wants to show them her love too in her performing.  I love that thought. 

 Sure love this girl!

Being a mommy is....hard

     I have been spending a lot of time lately trying to improve my parenting skills.  I think I could actually say that every week.  Being a good mom is something that I feel passionate about.  I jump at the chance to hear how other moms do things, read books about it from experts, go to classes or read blogs.  I want to soak up all sorts of good ideas.  The problem comes, often, in the application.  In my head I know I shouldn't yell, but sometimes I react with yelling before I even think.  I know in my head I should give them more responsibility, but so often it's easier to just do it myself while they play.  I know in my head that I should be patient and caring no matter how I feel but, if I'm tired or grumpy, I don't always act appropriately.  Thus, I research perfect parents and wonderful advice and then feel discouraged that my family can't get it together.  My family can't master chores without tears and frustration or eat a healthy organic meal together each night.
 
     My children deserve a perfect mother.  Instead, they got me.

     Last week, I was feeling especially guilty about all of this and the thought came to me that Heavenly Father doesn't want me to feel this way about this sacred calling.  Satan wants me to feel depressed, overwhelmed, discouraged and hopeless.  But, my Heavenly Father wants me to feel hopeful.  He wants me to acknowledge my flaws, try to fix them and then HOPE for the best.  I need to have faith that He will make up for what I lack.  I can give my worries and fears about mothering to Him and He will take care of it.  This is more than I can handle alone.  I need Him too.

     So, I have put down a few of those books.  I have stopped thinking of all the things I can't do.  I have made a goal to replace those negative thoughts with thoughts of hope.  Sometimes this is hard and it requires a little prayer asking for help.  I do want my kids to have the perfect mother.  But, that will never happen. I am grateful for the reminder that if I partner with God, things will be perfect enough.

He's hit a wall

Aiden had an encounter with our brick wall while playing soccer. The wall won.