Life changing moments

Sometimes you're going about living your life and in one instant, something happens that changes everything. I had one of those moments this summer.

I was literally living my dream, by going on my weekly horse ride.  In prior weeks, it looked like this:

Emma was a natural riding Autumn

To this:

Day two, trying to keep my arm elevated to reduce the swelling.

A second horse in the pen was anxious to get out too.  So, he tried to push his way past me.  My arm got smashed into the end of a metal pole.  Thankfully Sydney was with me and was holding our horse when it happened.  My whole arm immediately went limp and I started going into shock.  I knew something was seriously wrong.   After a half hour of trying to calm down, I talked Sydney (who had come to ride with me that day) through the necessary chores and we drove home.  

After a trip to the ER, countless doctors appointments with specialists and some very unpleasant testing, the diagnosis is severe median nerve damage.

My hand was in intense pain.  The nerve pain made me feel like it was constantly on fire. Four and a half of my fingers were totally numb.  I couldn't feel anything.  My pointer finger and my thumb were almost completely useless.  They could not bend, which gave me no grip and little strength in that hand.  After two months, this was all the bend I could  muster:

Now,  it has been nearly three months and not much has changed.  I am on pain meds to help with the pain.  I have learned to manage many things with my left hand.  Zippers and scissors are nearly impossible.  I can't open very many packages.  Doing a ponytail in my hair is a challenge.  

The emotional roller coaster has been the hardest.  Some days, the doctors aren't very hopeful for a full recovery.  Some days, they just tell me to give it more time.  

I have received several blessings and do feel like the Lord is watching over me.  Deep down, I feel like I will get better. If I focus on those feelings. I can cope.  But, there are times when I let the "what if's" get into my head and then I struggle.

For now, it is just a waiting game to see if it improves.  Praying it does.